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SCENE: INTRO
METATRON: BE NOT AFRAID! Be not afraid. I will try to speak to you in a way that you will understand, using a human language of your current historical dialect. It is better this way, with me using a flesh mouth, with a meat muscle, surrounded by bony protrusions and singing a song with wet vocal cords. We first tried the method of just beaming our message directly into your minds, but we did not expect the absolute carnage as so many heads burst like old lightbulbs. I wonder how many valuable prophets we lost that day… So, a corporeal form it is for me. It feels like eons ago that I wore flesh like this. It is a bit unfamiliar, and the words roll strangely off my tongue. But at the same time it feels like I became… whatever this is… just now. Time works differently here. My name is Enoch and I was once a human. God and the heavenly host insists on calling me Metatron, but please, call me Enoch.
INTRO JINGLE
SCENE: MOUNT HERMON
METATRON: I have been appointed by the highest authority to record the most important events in all of creation. However, the events are countless, and occurring all at once. As I said, time works differently here. I will simply report on the events in the order in which they occur to me. I am now reaching into the ever turbulent vortex of events. It… tickles, and is twisting rapidly around my hand. Let’s see what it brings us today…
In the early morning, high up on mount Hermon, a group of angels have gathered together in secret. Below them, a human settlement spreads far around the foot of the mountain. These angels in particular are the Watchers, and they are responsible for guarding life on earth. Their leader, Samyaza, is speaking to them with hushed enthusiasm.
SAMYAZA: Are we in agreement then? This stays between us. If I hear of anyone even hinting of this to anyone else, I’ll make sure you’ll get stationed at the gates of Eden.
WATCHER #1: But why? There’s nothing there.
SAMYAZA: Exactly.
METATRON: His second in command, Azazel, asks the question that’s on everyone’s minds.
AZAZEL: What could you possibly get out of a relationship with a mortal? How can it be worth the trouble we’d be in?
SAMYAZA: (shrugging, a bit shy) This probably sounds a bit bizarre to you, but… Love. It’s different when it’s the kind given by someone with an expiration date. It… almost feels like the feeling you get when the Almighty gives you praise. Remember that?
METATRON: The other angels collectively heave an unsatisfied sigh.
AZAZEL: I don’t think it’s ridiculous. I think we deserve to love and be loved. The way it should be.
SAMYAZA: (brightening) Follow me. But! Leave the meat suits, so they can’t see you.
METATRON: I should clarify. Meat suits, sometimes known as flesh vessels, are the physical human shaped costumes that angels wear to blend in among humans. Humans don’t react well to being exposed to our true shape, so protocol is to have your own meat suit custom made in heaven before dealing with humans. Are you with me? Good! Now, let’s see how the Watchers are doing.
SCENE: VILLAGE OF BEQAA
METATRON: Samyaza is warmly welcomed by a human… a woman… my– uh, sorry, I… Well. The other angels are there too, unseen. The pair strolls hand in hand, across the fields, all the while talking and laughing. Towards the evening, their steps have led them back to the village, and finally our– her house. The invisible angels, watching still and patient, follow them inside, huddling together in the cramped space. I don’t know why they don’t just make themselves smaller. Multidimensional entities should not be bound by spatial metrics. As clothes are discarded, the angels tilt their heads in confusion. It is a cold night after all. But now Samyaza is showing them how to sin.
It is some time later, and his… partner is sleeping, and Samyaza is sneaking out of the house to meet his peers. He is so content, that he can not help but emit a faint glow, and the sound of ethereal music is surrounding his immediate vicinity.
WATCHER #1: I don’t know what I just saw but it was beautiful. Didn’t that thing come out of Adam’s rib?
SAMYAZA: Don’t talk about my wife that way.
AZAZEL: Wife, really? How long have you been here?
SAMYAZA: They are such remarkable creatures, always hungry for knowledge. Listen to them. Admire them. Tell them of the vast expanse of space and all the stars therein. Whatever they want to know. Sing to them the songs of creation so that they themselves may manifest their innermost wishes. Open your hearts, my friends. Tomorrow, it’s time to let love in again.
METATRON: It is dawn now, and the rest of the Watchers reveal themselves to the humans. In the form of very attractive people, of course. As I said, the meat suits are meant to help us blend in, but the suits have limits. Standing just over the average human height, with skin a bit too smooth, and accents unplaceable. Something off with the body language depending on how much practice they have on operating the neuromuscular system. All this to say, the Watchers’ arrival in the village was met with astonishment.
HUMAN #1: So, these new people, am I right?
HUMAN #2: Yeah I mean I get why they call themselves watchers. Damn freaks never blink. It’s uncanny.
HUMAN #1: I know. I’m into it.
METATRON: At first, the angels’ secret arrangement seems to be going splendidly. Nobody in the village is complaining, as Samyaza and his cohorts are living a life of bliss. They tell their human companions about the stars and of agriculture, magic and music theory, medical knowledge, and of the art of beauty and makeup. And of: WARFARE.
AZAZEL: Right. So. Here is a picture of all the sensitive parts of a human body. You have pointy hard parts, elbows, knees, teeth. Guess where to use them. Now, next week we’ll be looking at ways to craft effective projectile weapons…
FX: auditorium applause, some whoops
METATRON: These were all things which, of course, greatly improved quality of life in the village.
Ah. There appears to be one tiny little detail. It only takes a few weeks, but the wives of the angels, their bellies, they are growing very rapidly. They soon give birth to large deformed babies, and oh dear. Each one is stranger than the last. The angels are surprised yet proud, and quickly reassure the rather alarmed humans that these too are God’s creation and deserve love and nurturing.
The children are growing at an alarming rate. First they become taller than their parents, and eventually outgrowing their very homes. Along with their excelled growth, they devour large quantities of food. When the barns are empty of animals, and the reserves empty of grain, they begin to eat everything in their path, including the villagers.
Luckily, Azazel had taught the humans the art of warfare, and so they start to fight back. Samyaza and the other angels look on helplessly, as their wives curse them. The children are now taller than any tree, and not at all children anymore. They will come to be called Nephilim.
SCENE: RANDOM ARCHANGEL INSPECTION
METATRON: Many years of war and chaos follow. Now, one morning, three archangels descend upon the Earth. Let me see. These are Gabriel, Michael and Raphael, and they are looking annoyed. More than usual, that is. Michael is the first to speak.
MICHAEL: Samyaza. There is a crowd of souls outside the gates of heaven crying about being violently killed by some… divine offspring. You’re the head watcher in this sector. Why don’t you brief me on the situation?
SAMYAZA: Uuuuh.
METATRON: A giant behind him is pulling up a tree by the roots and hefting it into the center of the village. The devastation and destruction is beyond measure. The ground shakes as the giants chase down their victims. Fire. Screaming. You get the picture. Samyaza looks back at the archangels, knowing full well there is no coming back from this. He might as well come clean.
SAMYAZA: Listen. I know why you’re here. I think I can speak for all of us when I say… We love our wives. You can’t do anything about that.
MICHAEL: You can’t be serious.
AZAZEL: Samyaza. They don’t understand. We have to fight them.
SAMYAZA: What? No!
ENOCH: (far off, yelling) No! God damnit, go away! Enough! Get out of here!
METATRON: Ah. A furious looking villager is running towards them, waving his hands while yelling.
SAMYAZA: Not you.
ENOCH: Hey! If you are friends with Samyaza, please just… fuck off, back to… whence you came. I no longer take kindly to tall handsome visitors. Gave us giant problems.
GABRIEL: Giant problems, yeah I can see that. What’s your name, mortal?
ENOCH: Enoch, son of Jared.
METATRON: That guy, that face. Oh right, that’s me! The old me. I forgot what my original flesh vessel looked like. Okay this is weird, seems strange to narrate my own story, but fine. We will just call this “The Story Of The Watchers and The Fleshy Enoch.” All good. Destiny works in mysterious ways, just like God. If I’m being honest I think they are both making it up as they go along. While God seems to make it up as she goes along, Destiny is more of a poet. But I am the chosen scribe. Here I go.
Samyaza is whispering with Azazel, preparing to fight. Gabriel turns to Enoch.
GABRIEL: Human. Can you explain to me what in creation is going on here?
ENOCH: Well, a couple of years ago, these beautiful odd people came to our village. Very charming, very smart, there was nothing they didn’t know. Charmed all of us, no problem. At first we didn’t complain because the ladies were happy and these new guys taught us all kinds of nifty stuff.
MICHAEL: Such as?
ENOCH: Well you know, just a little weather forecasting, writing, magic, astronomy, WARFARE, that kind of thing.
GABRIEL: Samyaza, you-! That’s heavenly knowledge, not for the humans! Rule 72. Recite it please.
SAMYAZA: In my defense it wasn’t just me–
MICHAEL: That’s enough! I understand what happened here. Disgusting.
SAMYAZA: No! If love is such a great crime to you, take me away. But please… leave her and the kids out of it.
MICHAEL: We will ask the Almighty what we are to do with you. You. Strange man. Econ?
ENOCH: Yes? (more quiet) It’s Enoch, sir.
MICHAEL: We need a witness. You are coming with us.
ENOCH: Wait what, just like that? Am I really worthy?
MICHAEL: Sure, whatever. Please stand still and don’t breathe until I tell you to.
SCENE: GATES OF HEAVEN
METATRON: Enoch opens his mouth to protest, but is suddenly cut off by a deafening noise. The archangels carry him through spacetime into their dwelling. It is very unpleasant for a human, and Enoch did not, in fact, stand still or hold his breath. When they finally arrive at the gates of heaven, he promptly pukes for what feels like an eternity.
MICHAEL: Ugh, such frail creatures.
METATRON: Staggering to his feet, Enoch looks around and is blinded by heavenly light. The floor is crystal, the walls are burning eternal fire, the ceiling is a dark liquid with model constellations hanging freely in the air.
ENOCH: Is this heaven? I- I don’t. Like it!
METATRON: Trying to stagger away, fearing for his life, he slips in the puke and faceplants into the diamond hard crystal floor. (FX: slip, smack, grunt)
ENOCH: (covering his nose & mouth) Oh, I think I broke my nose.
MICHAEL: Can you people do anything without hurting yourselves? How you are even surviving is beyond me.
RAPHAEL: Come Enoch, take my hand. (Enoch grunts and gets up) I am Raphael. Be not afraid.
FX: shimmer
ENOCH: Huh. I’m not. Did you do that?
RAPHAEL: Listen closely. Anyone who looks at the face of God will disintegrate. But that’s okay, because we are going to create a shield around you, alright? You can talk to God safely. But uh, it’s a solid shield, so any vomit will remain inside. You might want to control yourself. Do you understand what I am telling you?
ENOCH: Sure. This is fine. I’m good. Whatever, bring it.
MICHAEL: Now go. Tell the Almighty what you told us. Do not lie. It knows when you lie.
GABRIEL: They knoooow.
SCENE: GOD’S THRONE ROOM
METATRON: As they enter the godly chambers, Enoch hears an undignified shriek. It is unclear where it comes from. God fine tunes its divine brightness to remove the risk of Enoch decorating Her flowery tapestry with his innards.
All around God are burning serpents, impossibly winding around themselves in dimensions not safe for mankind. They are covered in eyes everywhere, inside and out. Enoch has a distinct feeling of being Observed.
Nothing could have prepared him for what it would be like to be in the presence of God. Some words that come to mind are: massive, endless, gigantic, exposed. But they don’t do it justice. God is too all-encompassing to comprehend. The only feature that burns itself into your mind and leaves a lasting impression, is the multifaceted smile.
Enoch decides to jump right into it, so that he can leave this unsettling realm as soon as possible.
Enoch is now telling God about everything he can remember, while God smiles. There is actually always a smile on His face, it just has different qualities. As Enoch gets to the bit about what he calls lovemaking and violent offspring, the smile changes and the entire throne room shines with a furious pink light. And God, who is ALLEGEDLY all-knowing, sputters a series of incoherent noises.
GOD: WAIT, STOP. DESIST. I FIGURED OUT THE REST. I DIDNT EVEN THINK THEY WOULD WANT TO… DEFILE THEMSELVES LIKE THAT. AND CHILDREN. THEY SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO… HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK? WHO DESIGNED THAT? THIS BUFFOON APPARENTLY, BECAUSE I WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE JUNK THAT I LET IT STAY ON THE ANGELIC MEAT SUITS BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO BOTHER MODIFYING IT ANYMORE. AND NOW THIS MESS… BUT SOMEBODY HAS TO TELL THEM THAT WAS NOT COOL.
METATRON: There’s a beat of total silence.
GOD: ENOCH, I HAVE A JOB FOR YOU. AS I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT STUFF TO DO, TELL THE WATCHERS THIS:
METATRON: The throne room is now covered in darkness, and God’s voice is the only tangible thing, and it is growing in volume.
GOD: ALL WATCHERS ARE HEREBY CAST FROM GODS LIGHT AND HAVE NO PLACE IN HEAVEN. YOU WILL BE BOUND IN CHAINS FOR ALL THE REST OF TIME, AND YOUR ABOMINATIONS WILL BE WIPED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH. VIOLENTLY. HOW’S THAT SOUND? WAS THAT TOO HARSH?
METATRON: Now. Before we continue, you should know that I was FURIOUS at this point. I had just lost half my village, and my wife had left me for another man… shaped entity. I am not proud of what young Enoch is about to say.
ENOCH: Seems like a severe but justified punishment
GOD: GOOD… GOOD. OKAY. GO TO THEM AND DELIVER THE MESSAGE. YUP. MAKE IT SO. I HAVE SPOKEN.
ENOCH: Right. So. Would love to. Love doing God errands. How do I get back again, Lord?
GOD: AH YES, I WILL YEET YOU.
ENOCH: Wha-
GOD: YEET.
FX: whack
METATRON: And Enoch is once again suddenly transported without holding his breath or staying still.
SCENE: JUDGMENT OF THE WATCHERS
METATRON: After a while he finds himself on solid ground along with the Archangels. His teeth feel wrong in his mouth and he feels further away from the ground. His calves are showing rather indecently beneath his robe.
ENOCH: Am… Am I taller?
GABRIEL: You can’t move while being transported.
METATRON: Enoch ignores the archangel. He has caught sight of Samyaza, who is just now talking to his, Enoch’s, ex-wife. Look, it’s complicated. He marches toward the couple, pointing angrily at Samyaza.
ENOCH: Hey! You have been cast out of heaven!
SAMYAZA: What?
ENOCH: Yes, I have a holy message to deliver. Gather all the Watchers!
METATRON: Samyaza has a sinking feeling, but calls for his fellow angels nonetheless.
Enoch takes a breath, and delivers God’s message just as he remembers it.
ENOCH: So. All watchers are hereby cast from God’s light and have no place in heaven. You will be bound in chains for all the rest of time, and your abominations will be wiped from the face of the earth-
SAMYAZA: No, no, not the kids. We’ll figure something out.
ENOCH: – Violently. How’s that sound?
AZAZEL: Is that a rhetorical question or part of the message?
ENOCH: (trying for assertive) Yuh-yes.
AZAZEL: That makes no sense…
ENOCH: You will be plunged headfirst into the abyss for what you’ve done. Go sit in the naughty angel corner, if you will. But first, your offspring will be smote.
METATRON: As Enoch utters the last word, Michael draws his flaming sword. And with a flash he has beheaded five of the abominations. Gabriel and Raphael are not far behind.
The Watchers are grieving for their children’s future that is now never going to be. Their wailing is reaching all the corners of the world, and their tears flow until a new river formed. The name of the river long forgotten. By me.
They know it would be useless to try to fight against the will of the Almighty. Stronger angels had tried to defy God before. The Watchers know this, deep down. Despite this, Samyaza fixes his eyes on Michael. The ground is starting to shake. In the blink of an eye, the true form of the Watchers have manifested, and they rage to meet the archangels head on. Gabriel speaks THE WORDS, and the wings of every Watcher catch fire, burning in terrible oscillating multicolor. The earth crumbles below the Watchers’ feet, and they are falling into the abyss with a horrifying shriek. And finally, the ground is closing up again. It looks like the abyss was never even there. And now all is quiet. All sounds faded away, and the village lies silent.
Then, with a flash of lightning, something lands burning in a large crater. It is humming, and Enoch is feeling his bones threatening to pulverize. A thousand eyes peek out from the edge of the crater, but they are quickly melting together to just two eyes. A child. The creature speaks to Enoch with lips unmoving, voice unnecessarily loud, given how silent everything else is.
GOD: WALK WITH ME. WE HAVE MUCH TO TALK ABOUT. YOU DID GOOD. WE ARE INCREASINGLY SHORT ON STAFF IN HEAVEN, AND I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER YOU A JOB…
SCENE: OUTRO
METATRON: Thus ends the story of the Watchers, as my story of transformation was only just beginning. And is that not the way of all creatures? You are, in a way, always finding yourself in a slow but purposeful metamorphosis. I look forward to when you find out what intricate patterns and colors will decorate your wings.
Change is always terrifying and constantly racing towards you like a ruthless deluge, threatening to abolish everything you know to be true. Be not afraid.
END EPISODE.
